I have tried to compile a few interesting cricketing incidents that occurred on & off field. The article is a collation of incidents from various articles/webpages that I have read related to the game.
- India vs Pakistan, early nineties (when Jadega still had his morals intact or for that matter was at least not caught of fixing), Jadega comes out to bat with Sidhu who is there at the crease for quite some time now. They are facing the fastest bowlers of that time: Waqar and Aquib Javed. Jadega manages to face the first two balls from Aquib, then walks up to Sidhu and says “Paaji mujhe ball nahin dikh rahi”(I am not able to see the ball coming) to this Sidhu replies “Oye mainu vi nahin dikh rahi teeka reh” (I am also not able to view the ball just hang in).
- The historic Australia vs South Africa match (12 March 2006), Australia manages a world record first innings total of 434-4 in 50 overs. Everyone in the South African dressing room is downtrodden suddenly Kallis gets up and says “Come on guys they are 5 runs short”. And the match is won by South Africa by 1 wicket and 1 ball to spare.
- Sarwan, the West Indies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath. The details :
McGrath: “So what does Brian Lara’s d*ck taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife. “
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I’ll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out.”
- Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes – who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: ” Why are you so fat?”
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit .”
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
- Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball. Mark “Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now.” Parore (turning around) “Yeah, that’s me. And when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut. And now I hear you’ve married her, you dumb cunt!”
- When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
Botham retort was “Wife is fine, kids are retarded”
- Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says “Man, it don’t matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero.”
- After bowling to Ganguly (who was partnered by Tendulkar at the time) in India who was defending Shane Warne walked down the wicket and said something along the lines of “look at all these supports they have come here to see that man play his shots not you defend” apparently Ganguly was out stumped a couple of overs later.
- As Darly Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting two years for another chance to humiliate him. “Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
- Ex New South Wales paceman Richard Stobo to Danny Waugh, brother of Steve and Mark, in a Sydney grade game between Gordon and Bankstown.
After Stobo beats Waugh’s outside edge a few times in succession:
“Mate, are you fucking adopted?”
- During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: “You can’t fucking bat.”
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can’t fucking bowl.”
- While commentating during a match in which Pakistan was faring badly in all departments of the game, Bill Lawry, offering a solution said “I think Pakistan’s problem is they’ve got to relax”, to which Richie Benaud replies nonchalantly, “I don’t agree. I think Pakistan have got to learn how to bat, bowl and field. It’s a simple game.”
- During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. “Tickets please,” Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
- During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. “This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.” Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say fuck off.
- Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine “art” of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: “Try hitting that for six.” It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
- Once, during the tour of West Indies, a young bowler was trying to get under Gavaskar’s skin by sledging. Gavaskar, a senior player retorted “Son, don’t waste time sledging at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss”.
- James Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
MW: “Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”
JO: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
- Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don’t remember who) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single. This guy gets the ball in and says, “If you leave the crease I’ll break your fucking head.”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the fucking 12th man.”
- Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred. “So should your mother,” he replied.
- This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan paceman Greg Thomas had beaten Richards’ bat a couple of times and informed him: “It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering.”
The very next ball Sir Issac Vivian Andrews Richards gave him the royal treament and smashed the ball out of the ground, into a nearby river – at which point he piped up: “Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and fetch it.”
- This happened during India’s tour of Australia in 2001. The series was level at 1-1. It was the 5th and final test at Sydney and India was 4 wickets away from a historic series victory on Aussie soil. However, the aussie Captain, Steve Waugh was proving a thorn in India’s back. Playing in his last test match (as he had announced retirement), he mounted a rear-guard action and was fighting for a draw, and was the only one who stood between India and victory. In an attempt to induce him to do something foolish, the 16 year old Indian wicket keeper chirps ” Hey Steve, how about one of those famous slog sweep of yours before you leave forever?”. Waugh, a veteran of such tactics replied ” Sonny! You better show some respect! You were pooping in your diapers when I made my debut”
- During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. “Tickets please,” Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
Posted by varunchugh 
